Reflecting back on our journey so far I am surprised how many times
we were told Eric can’t/won’t reach this or that milestone. Right from
being a wee Soul his doctors, specialists, therapists said he wouldn’t
speak. Having someone believe in you is very critical. Shortly after Eric
was born Dr. J. Mackinnon, his pediatrician, believe from the start and
was always one of Eric’s cheerleaders. He told me when he reached 3
that if he wasn’t speaking we would be proactive and do what needs to
be done to rule out any issues. Back then they didn’t have much to
offer, but that didn’t stop us from trying. One specialist said “your son
will probably never talk”. When I asked, “Why”? “What is it that you see
that cause you to say that”?…there was no real answer of course. So,
my response back then was that if there was nothing stopping him from
talking then it was possible he would! We taught him sign language and
with a repertoire of 80 sign words he spoke his first words! Not that the
journey was easy with many uphill battles with professionals but he was
showing signs of speaking. First it was mostly to our German Sheppard
“Sammy” who never judged, teased or demanded anything from him.
The biggest blessing that came out of this experience from a mother
that was demanding help from the professionals was me being asked to
be on a panel with 4 other parents (considered parents with big mouths,
sometimes not a bad thing as I am beginning to realize). They brought
us in a boardroom full of professionals and asked us what in our
experiences they could have done differently. We all said ‘early
intervention’ and so the “Early Years Centers” were launched. I feel
Eric had a part in this creation looking after the ones that would walk the
path after him. Later in Eric’s teens we got to speak to parents that said
these centers were a God sent to them. This is a place where kids
come to socialize with others and if there are any concerns it could be
spotted and help offered if only it was some things they could begin
doing at home while on the never ending wait lists. So to this day many
believe Eric doesn’t speak…a little part of me thinks it’s that Inner Child
within him that maybe feels he may let down that Doctor that told him he
wouldn’t talk. Or was it all the therapist, teachers, EA that didn’t believe
in him? Or was it because he feels he wouldn’t be heard if he did talk
since everyone else has their own opinions of him? We may never
know but I believe that somewhere along the journey he felt limited with
words and realized talking was not his first language. Also, he doesn’t
want to let anyone down, so will do what he can to help others shine
their light. Somehow Spirit spoke to my soul and wanted me to believe
he could if there was a need and he does. He talks a lot and there are
only a selective few that have had the privilege of hearing him speak. I
have come to realize that Eric feels words are very limiting and chooses
to use them very wisely. His actions speak louder than words, but Eric
can talk…
Many road blocks were placed on the path moving forward or were they
all blessings? God has given us many special people that we have
been blessed to meet on this journey who believe in him and we watch
as the miracles unfold. One incident that was brought back to life not
too long ago was when a special needs adult was bullied in our small
home town. I thanked this mother for not keeping it a secret like I did, it
happens way too often. Eric’s story was in 2002, when he was in Grade
3 and without the need of words I knew my child was being bullied at
school. The staff denied that there was a problem and I; the angry mom
removed Eric from school. The school called CAS (Children’s Aid
Society) and unexpectedly a knock came to the door a few hours later.
Of course, I was nervous because I believed in my heart I know the
truth but Eric wouldn’t tell me if I was right. I explained to the male
social worker who was investigating the case about Eric being a
selective mute child this would be impossible and I would need to be
present. He did not agree and proceeded to go alone with Eric to his
room. Within a few minutes, which felt like forever, he came out and
thanked me for doing the right thing and wished me a good evening. I
asked him how he knew and he just said they have their ways of
knowing the truth, and the case was dropped. I asked Eric again that
night as we settled down for bed “Magoo, just tell mommy the truth, I
promise I will never tell them who it is so they won’t get into trouble, just
so that I can keep you safe, I promise”. He confirmed what I
believed…I cried myself to sleep that night and that secret is still deep
within my heart. My sister arranged a meeting with a medium to confirm
that he wasn’t hurt with all that happened and all the medium would say
was that it’s true and she was sorry and grateful that I believed as not
everyone always does.
Then came Eric’s leg braces. Eric has an incident that occurred in 2004
that landed him in a wheelchair. After about a year of this I couldn’t
make sense of what was happening and demanded answers from the
doctors. They thought I was crazy and gave me a social worker. She
helped me by confessing that the doctors just don’t know why he may
never walk again. Shortly after that day, Eric sat up in his bed and said
that he could walk. For many months afterwards we wouldn’t use his
wheelchair at home and on weekends. The day came when we were
confident and went to school with this exciting news but it seemed that
they were not as excited as we were and said he comes in the
wheelchair or doesn’t come at all. I gave Eric an opportunity to use his
voice and gave him the choice right in the principal’s office and Eric said
that he can walk. The decision was made again for me to remove him
from school. Once again CAS was called and they came to the house
and they met with me in the basement. After they got all the information
from me they wanted to see Eric. I called Eric to come down a flight of
stairs and down he came with the biggest smile on his face. The case
was closed. Eric can walk.
Many more events have unfolded in Magoo’s life but the one I would
like to close with is the most special…Magoo’s Art. When you have
someone that beats to the rhythm of their own drum it doesn’t mean
they ‘can’t’, it just means they are wired differently and that isn’t a bad
thing. It just means they need a different way of expression. This is
where I believe the “systems” we have created be it the school, medical,
social etc have failed us. Most of his school years his Art was
completed or sometimes even done by the EA’s (Educational
Assistants). I never really understood why but my guess is that the ones
that believed in him let him do his own thing and the ones that felt sorry
for him completed his work. When I home schooled him the second
time Art was part of his daily routine. He showed me a lot of emotion
through his Art but I never took it past that. In high school his was not
able to take Art classes as they didn’t feel he would be able to follow the
curriculum. So here goes Spirit guiding us again in 2012. We were
given a message that if Eric isn’t painting he should be. Of course I
thought painting pictures was not something Eric could do He didn’t
have talent I was told already. Me not wrapping my head around
Abstract Art I didn’t give this message much thought. Spirit was
persistent and once again in 2013 the message about Art comes up
again this time they sent me a friend who mentioned something about
Special Needs Art. Although there wasn’t space for a new client in the
program I convinced Mark, the coordinator from AWB (Artist’s Without
Barriers) that Eric didn’t need assistance and if he does indeed have the
ability let it just emerge on its own. Just being in the proper
environment with a non-judgmental energy things will happen. And
happen they did! He felt safe, accepted and loved and he shone his
light, laughed and painted up a storm. Meanwhile it was a lesson for his
mom this time to believe…I needed to be educated about what Art
really was, and it resides in the heart. He has moved on doing Art with
many different people and in different places. He has allowed me to put
words to his Art, both abstract and animals. I could be wrong with my
labels but without any judgment he seems to allow me to come along
for the ride doing my thing while he continues creating. I have many
stories of his Art pieces that I hope to put on paper and share some
day, but for now we have created some special note cards with his Art
and are working on finding a printer that will print us a deck of angel
animal cards which will have a little story about him enclosed. I have to
say the gift that Magoo has given the world with his Art is really beyond
words…it touches the heart. Thank you Magoo for sharing pieces of
you with everyone, Spirit knew all along, I need to Believe, Eric can
paint!